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03 June 2010 @ 07:41 pm
But it doesn't always make up for my lack of cooking skills. "I really like the mushrooms Mom," said Big Girl as she pushed around the overcooked meat in the non-thickened sauce. It made the corner of my mouth turn up, but the disappointment of yet another kitchen disaster struck me inside. The list of foods I can't cook is at least twice as long as the list I can. When we're all staring longingly in the direction of the take-away menu's on the fridge, it makes me wonder why I bother grocery shopping at all. Why not have Noodle Box or fish & chips for every meal? Sure beats the disaster of a pie I attempted tonight.
18 June 2009 @ 12:05 pm
So there was this little macaroni...

He was BIG!! Like, this big..

He was a pretty funny macaroni, with a cheesy head...

But one day, he got into a bit of trouble.. He was baked then scooped into MY BOWL!

Yeah, tee hee, it gets better...

I looked down in my bowl here and he looked up at me..

He said, "No no, don't eat me, not meeee! "

He tried to crawl away...

But I used my spoon, tee hee And scooped him up!!!!!!

AND ATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!



It's just so funny, I can't stop laughing..

Don't you think so?

Yes I'm serious, of course its real.

13 October 2008 @ 06:29 pm
Fun in the Sun with my Sister
25 February 2008 @ 11:06 pm
Ok, so I didn't read over it, and once you read it you'll know why. I know I've missed bits, but this is it for now! It's really long, but it includes 2-3 days.


So, where to start! On Sunday the 17th I started having really consistent contractions, ranging from every 3 to 7 minutes. They weren’t painful, but annoying, and consumed my energy. I ended up sleeping several times when I could, and really well that night. When I woke up on Monday morning, they were still fresh and going strong, but I have had contractions like that for weeks, usually they disappear overnight, but it didn’t faze me that they didn’t. I was really tired all day Monday, and took a really big 3-4 hr nap while Mike’s mum watched Izzy for me. Later in the evening the contractions started to feel a bit like period pains, but I mostly thought it was from my belly being so huge and my ligaments being stretched and pulled and my muscles being pulled. A lot of it was that!

Around 5pm on Monday the contractions really started to hurt a bit. In my mind, I started to consider this as the beginning of my labour. They didn’t hurt enough for me to change anything I was doing, so I just went about things as normal – and waited to see if it would progress into anything more. Around 9 or 10pm, I think, I was talking to a friend on msn(Lori) and told her I thought it might be, but wasn’t holding my breath as I technically, according to our first ultrasound, I was only 36.6 weeks. Around 11pm they were hurting a bit more, and I was convinced it was labour. I walked around the house gathering some things for a hospital bag, and around 11:30pm I woke Mike up. I shook him a little and told him to wake up because “I’m in labour,” and I swear I’ve never seen such big whites of eyes in a dark room ;) hehe. He jumped up and frantically ran about the house aimlessly, while I called the birth centre.

One of my main concerns was that I wasn’t quite 37 weeks, so one of the first things I did was tell the midwife and ask her if I had to go to the labour ward. She said, according to *someone’s* dates, that I was “right on 37 weeks” and to come in if I thought I was in labour. She didn’t really seem to think I was, but I knew I was by that point, so we left soon after, and arrived around 12:30am. I had such a fast delivery with Izzy, and I had a feeling that this time I might have placental problems (just a feeling, and it kept popping into my head), so we left as soon as I started to feel uncomfortable with the contractions. As soon as I arrived I made myself comfortable, and went about laboring. I asked Mike, MIL, and Izzy to wait in the other room for the moment. I just wanted to be alone for a while. I concentrate so much better on my own, and I didn’t need any support then, and didn’t really want to be “watched” so to speak.

After almost an hour of laboring in the room alone, I asked my midwife if I could go in the bath. She was worried I was close, considering my contractions and fast labour with Izzy, and wanted to check me – I said that was fine, and I was about 3-4cm at the time. She cleaned the tub and filled it up – which seemed to take forever for me! I hopped in while it was still filling up, and was instantly relaxed.  I was already tired from not sleeping as much as my body needed over the past few days, so it was lovely that I was able to sleep between contractions. I mostly laid/floated on my back, which slowed my labour, but was relaxing enough to give me some extra energy. I noticed and was very aware that when I moved into any other position that my contractions started to top each other and progress, but I was tired! A kept switching back and forth between a resting position and a progressing position for several hours. Mike kept coming and going, getting me drinks and such, but towards 5am I asked him to stay. I was starting to feel discouraged because I was really tired and didn’t WANT to switch positions – I just wanted to sleep!! I could feel my body wanting me to move though, having urges to push and such.

Around 5:30 or so the midwife came in and suggested I hop out soon to try something different to progress the labour. I was in between contractions, which were about 4-5 minutes apart, and I started to cry to Mike, telling him how discouraged I was, but how tired I was too. I was starting to feel like I couldn’t do it, but he reassured me and comforted me, making me feel stronger. With one massive LONG contraction, incredibly painful too, I dilated completely, and my waters burst with such a force it left whirlpools in the water! (LOL) It hurt SO bad, and instantly I knew I had to get out of the water. I wanted to be on my hands and knees again. Mike and the midwife helped me out of the tub, with the contraction still lingering, and helped me into my room. I wasn’t even to the bed before the next one started. From this point on, it felt like one massive contraction, with no breaks in between. I started screaming and felt really out of control. As soon as I was kneeling and leaning over the bed my body started to push. It was almost completely involuntary, though with each and every loud blood-curdling scream I was letting out, I was pushing as hard as I could. And poor Mike though he’d gotten away with no screaming this time(he must be half deaf from going through that twice now!). I was squeezing his hand while screaming and pushing, and he’s sure I broke it ;).  

About 15 minutes from the time my waters broke I pushed her out! It was quick, and for a few minutes I was completely out of control, but with the help and encouraging words of the lovely midwife I had, and Mike(and his hand), I managed to pull it together and push her out quickly! Might I add she was born the same time Izzy was, at 5:55am hehe.

This point onwards is where my problems started. She came out lovely and pink/red – breathing quickly, but not screaming, and I started to bleed heavily. I hopped on the bed with her, and Mike went and got Izzy and MIL. Izzy was so excited, she just wanted to sit really close to me and whisper “bebe” and touch her forehead to mine so she could grin and look me straight in the eyes. It was the most beautiful moment I’ve ever experienced, and one I’m sure to never forget! Her reaction just took my breath away.

Twenty or so minutes after delivery, still bleeding heavily and trying desperately to push my placenta out, the midwife suggested to try the shot of sintocin. I agreed and kept pushing, but I wasn’t having strong contractions, and the placenta didn’t seem to be separating at all. We cut the cord, and she gave me the shot. I started to feel awful, knowing I had so many thoughts of this happening again while I was still at home, and not being in control of anything. I wanted desperately for things to just go normally – straightforward. I was crying, and started to become hysterical, completely freaking out. The midwife tried to massage my stomach, and brought in another midwife to try as well. They gave me the gas to suck on while doing it, but it hurt more than labour did.

Once the second midwife had a go and nothing had changed, I gave up inside. I was crying harder, and saying how I didn’t want this to happen again over and over. They brought a doctor in, who also tried to massage. After another few minutes of them pushing and pulling, they decided to try and see if it was near my cervix and if maybe it was stuck. They had me sucking on the gas, Mike holding Cait, one midwife on my side holding my hand, then tried to feel. The doctor pushed in on my placenta from my stomach and was trying to reach inside me and see if he could feel it. Two different doctors tried that, over a course of 15 minutes. Even with the gas, it was the most painful and terrifying experience I’ve ever had. Somewhere in there it amounted to 5 people pushing/pulling and trying to remove it, and a shot or two of pethadine as well. The last person who tried to push and pull got a big telling off by Mike. I was screaming that it hurt too bad and I wanted them to stop, and they wouldn’t. He yelled at them to stop and that I’d had enough. I’m so glad he was able to stand up for me when they weren’t listening. It meant the world to me, and still does.

They started talking to me about manual removal, and saying how it’s best if they do an epidural and have me be awake. I had given up over an hour earlier, as by this time it was over two hours since birth. I asked to call my mom, so they had the doctors wait outside, so I could call and cry to her, telling her how terrified I was and such. I also got to talk to my sister for a brief minute. When the doctor came back in, I said I didn’t want an epi, I’d rather go under. I just wanted to go to sleep – I was so tired, and so defeated I couldn’t imagine them making me stay awake for more of “this.” The doctor said they could do that if I wanted, so I felt a bit relieved. They gave me another shot of pain med’s and brought in a bed to transfer me to. I had asked to have Caitlyn weighed before leaving, and was a bit surprised she weighed more than Izzy did, who was 7lb 13oz at 38.3 weeks gestation. Mike was able to walk with me, while holding Cait, to the doors of the theatre, and I didn’t stop sobbing throughout the entire time. He kissed me goodbye and tried to reassure me again, but I was just so desperate for it to all go away, to just sleep and be out of it.

As soon as I was in theatre and the anesthetist was speaking to me, I asked her to put me under right then. The doctors weren’t ready yet, and from what I remember they were still trying to locate one of them in the hospital, but she said ok and put me under. I was so relieved, and was instantly able to relax. I’m pretty sure the operation only lasted about 20 minutes, but I was in recovery for a while as well.

I was taken to the maternity ward and Mike, Izzy, Cait and Mum were all waiting for me there. I felt a lot better, but sleepy, so we all agreed a big rest was about due, so they went home, and I got to check out my new baby and get some much-needed sleep. They came back later in the afternoon, and things went a bit downhill again. I was on antibiotics to reduce infection from the removal, and to pump some fluids in me as well as sintocin since my uterus wasn’t doing its job on its own, but they gave me the OK to get up and such. With Mike helping me I managed to make it to the toilet, but before I even got there(it was only a few metres away) everything went black and I couldn’t hear anything. I sat there for a minute waiting to see if it would change, and it didn’t, so I had him help me back to the bed and call the nurse. They took blood immediately, and tiled my head so I was head-down at an angle. I later was told that in pregnancy my hemoglobin(blood levels) was at 127, by the time I went to theatre it was at least as low as 107, and when I went to the toilet, it was at a dangerous low of 60. I essentially had lost half my blood, and somehow they semi-missed it! I was given two units of donor blood (two litres), and had to lay upside down for quite a while. Later that night I had another episode which resulted in shivers, from my body starting to go into shock from everything.

They took some blood at midnight, and again later on Wednesday, and my hemoglobin was up to around 90. I felt like a new person, with so much energy, but still very pale and weak. I got up and was walking around, even got to take a shower. I loved the individual attention I was able to give Caitlin, and sleep when I wanted, but I also wanted desperately to get OUT of there, and away from where everything happened. On Thursday we finished intravenous antibiotics, and they prescribed me with some oral ones to take at home, as well as iron. My abs were 4-5 fingers apart, so the physio I was seeing decided to give me Tubigrip, a tube of elasticized fabric to wear like a panty girdle, over my tummy, to help encourage my muscles back together, and support me a bit better. After a bit more direction of exercises and such, the doctors and midwives decided a lunch discharge was in order. I could’ve stayed longer, but really just wanted to get away!

When we did get home, I was able to just sit back and relax, take a breath, and had a couple really big cries in bed. I had such a beautiful birth, and another easy labour…. I feel so traumatized by everything else it’s hard for me to see that right now. It’s hard to overlook that intense pain, and those feelings.. so indescribable. I hope with more time I’m able to overcome the parts where things didn’t happen how I wanted or expected, and see the experience as a beautiful birth, not a traumatic ordeal.

I have a beautiful daughter, 8lbs 4oz at just 37weeks gestation. She has the typical newborn blue eyes, and her hair looks silvery blonde in the light. She has a nice layer of fat on her, so much so that her ears have dimples that make it look like they’re pierced. She has a large stork mark on her forehead, and a dot that seemed to splash off and land on the tip of her nose hehe. Long skinny feet, and the most adorable little legs. I want to focus on these things, but I still feel quite clouded.


Time is healing. Writing this is healing.


23 February 2008 @ 12:13 pm
Born 19 February 2008
37weeks gestation
8lbs 4oz
20" long, 34cm head circumference

In Labour ::

A few minutes after birth, mommy and her girls ::

A few days old ::

With her proud daddy ::

20 January 2006 @ 03:27 pm
Isabel Renée Brown
Born : January 15, 2006
Weight : 7lb, 13oz (3.54kg)
Length : 20" (50cm)
Time : 5:55am
Place : Home :)

I went into active labour around 3am, called the m/w - and by then my ctx were already around 2-3 minutes apart, but I couldn't tell for sure when one ended and the next started, so I decided to stay home and labour some. Of course I expected it to be HOURS before anything really happened... At 4:30am they were becoming VERY intense and I was starting to become very vocal, so we woke my mom up, and almost immediately I felt my waters buldge and teh baby's head slip into my birth canal. I looked at DH and said "You need to call an ambulance because I have to push" (should've seen his face..) and had my mom bring me some towels. I spent the entire time on my knees leaning over our low bed - and I just started to slightly push through each ctx. By the time the ambo's got there - around 20 minutes later, her head was nearly crowning, and I was screaming as loud as I could with each ctx - letting the whole suburb know I was in labour hehe. I only really pushed a couple times.. mostly I was just screaming and telling the paramedics to shut up between ctx and to stop touching me . I pushed through two ctx to get her head out, the first one I realized how bad it was going to hurt nad stopped half way through, but got it out on the second . Then the next one I rested and the one after that I pushed the rest of her out.

About 20 minutes later we went to the hosp., which wasnt fun because my ctx were coming back for teh afterbirth, so every little bump in the road was horrible. After we got to the hosp. I delivered teh placenta, and thats when I started to bleed a ton. While they were prepping for a D&C - to go in and see if tehre was a piece of placenta left or anything, I found out some funny things. It turns out the ambo people WERE reading those birth kit instructions, and both had NO experience in delivering babies. I also found out then that her cord was wrapped around her neck twice, once just around her neck, then pinning her hand over her nose/mouth - so she's quite bruised. She was VERY purple for the first day but was breathing and everything was fine. After I they put me under and found a small piece of placenta I stopped bleeding, but was just a tiny bit away from getting a transfusion, so I was really weak on sunday and monday and very pastey white.

Since I delivered at home they put me on antibiotics, and from all the bleeding, to make sure I didnt get an infection, and on monday they had found strep B colonized in Isabel's ear, so they put her on 48hr antibiotics and took blood. Everything is fine though, no strep B in teh rest of her.

We came home on wednesday Jan. 18th :) .


This is my rough draft/quickie of it all - I *still* haven't written a "real" one with details...